hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
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We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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