There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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