Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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