Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's rum buckets o'clock
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
