he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
