Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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