so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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