o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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