my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
