Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
