Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
