A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
