You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
