"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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