Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
