wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
