I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
