apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
