I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
