Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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