GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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