I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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