WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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