so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
