I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
