i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I fill condoms, not promises.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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