and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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