I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
