you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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