I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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