that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
