I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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