sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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