i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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