my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
