alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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