Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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