Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
