just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
