how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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