she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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