i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Randomize