How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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