I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
