How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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