You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
