Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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