I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
