After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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