as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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