dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
