Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
