don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who died my cat blue again?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
