After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
