"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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