he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
