dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
