I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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