Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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