Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
