oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
