you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
