Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
